The Current Struggle

Two posts in one day?

Not really, because while I’m writing this the same day as my previous post, I’m going to set it to post later, but man it would TOTALLY count if I published it right now!

Anyway.

I’m having an internal struggle, and I need to write some things down to hash it out. My struggle has to do with the awful INFJ thing of “get yourself out there.”

I consider myself a healthy INFJ – I’m creative, and yes I have my bouts of anxiety and such, but I do understand what it takes to get me on the right path again (basically, everyone go away I need solitude). Part of being an INFJ is having near constant conflict in your mind. You want to be social (you need it, in fact), yet you need solitude and privacy. You want to be confident in your many abilities, yet you are constantly insecure. You know exactly what you need, yet second-guessing yourself is one of your greatest abilities.

For me at least, it’s all conflict all the time. Now, let’s apply this to writing …

I know I write well. I’ve had an article published, I’ve had numerous people that I know and respect tell me that my writing is top notch, yet I’m terrified of putting it out there. But right now, I’m reaching that exciting point where … this book is really going to happen. At some point in the next 6 months or so, I’ll be writing a final word, seeking editing help, and polishing up my manuscript to be fan-friggin-tastic.

And then … what?

I feel that without planning what I’ll have is my pared-down list of Facebook friends and not much else as far as promoting what I’ve written.

I have a YouTube channel with no videos, ready for charming, funny, helpful digital fun hosted by yours truly. I have a great camera set up, top notch audio, and video capabilities. And yet – I’m terrified to start.

Because of perception.

I’m a vastly different person publicly than I am private. And I’m downright terrified of “not being liked” when it comes to who I am, that I tend to keep that stuffed away and private, and just not let anyone except my very closest friends (and sometimes not even them) see it. But if my goal is to get this work done, say what I have to say, tell the story I want to tell, then launch it and see if it strikes a chord with strangers, I’m going to have to get myself out there.

It is, indeed, a terrifying first step, and I’m only writing this post because, well, I don’t know what to do.

David

I am a walking, talking contradiction. INFJ, martial artist, father of 3 awesome boys, database nerd, aficionado of great music, coffee snob, tattooed, overflowing with at-times crippling amounts of empathy. Now you know me, which means we can never hang out. Sorry, but not really, I'd find an excuse not to no matter what.

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